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Thursday, 15 June 2017

Checky writing

It was one sunny day. I said to my mum ”Can we go to the beach?”.  Mum said “Yes.” As we are almost there I did a “Musically”, which is an app where you lip sync.  
“Yah,” my sister yelled. “We’re there.” We had to wait in the car because my brother was asleep.  Another hour went by and finally he woke up. When we got there I was in my togs and I asked mum to go in the water. A couple of minutes went by, then I went too far out! So as I was coming back this wave came at me. My sore stomach was swirling anxiously. All I tasted was sea water. Gasping, all I thought was about my mum. Then my mum saw me and said “Nevaeh!” Then  there was the biggest wave ever! It was huge! So then my mum came in the water and we ran together out of the water. As I got out I was petrified. Mumbling I said to my mum “Thank you, you saved my life.” Afterwards my mum gave me a big hug and said in the softest voice “Please don't go out that far again.”

For this writing I learnt  to add more punctuation.

My next step will be to add more information.

I think my writing has improved.

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